Believe in Theo!

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So there’s been some grumblings about what exactly Theo Epstein’s grand plan for the Cubs is.  In his interviews this week, he gave very little away.  Fans are understandably a bit annoyed because in this day and age they want instant gratification and non-stop news.  Unfortunately the baseball world, especially in Theo-land apparently, doesn’t work that way as Theo doesn’t like to show his hand.  Seriously, he has a hell of a poker face.  You don’t know whether he’s going to trade this guy or sign that guy or what.  I personally think it’s kind of fun to sit back and be surprised, but I’m a mutant.  Anyway, this made me think of a parody…

Believe in Theo

To the tune of “I Need a Hero” by Bonnie Tyler

What the hell is going on
And where’s all the Cubs news?
We’ve got tons of rumors’n Tweets
Still dunno what they’ll do?

Won’t they give us a clue to post on our news feed?
I guess it doesn’t matter so
We will have to just believe

(aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…)

Believe in Theo! Put our trust into Theo
‘Til the Cubs are alright
He’s gonna be smart
And he’s gotta be shrewd
And he’s gotta make our future bright

Believe in Theo! Put our trust into Theo
To have a grand plan
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be sweet
And he will sign more guys with hot wives
(Please, more hot wives…)

The media knows nothing
Just makes up fantasies
Reyes, Pujols or Fielder
Or will the Cubs just sign all three?

Meetings on this winter
Players on the hot seat
Gonna take some maneuvering to
Snag a power lefty!

(aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…)

Believe in Theo! Put our trust into Theo
‘Til the Cubs are alright
He’s gonna be smart
And he’s gotta be shrewd
And he’s gotta make our future bright

Believe in Theo! Put our trust into Theo
To have a grand plan
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be sweet
And he will sign more guys with hot wives
Believe in Theo! We’re depending on Theo
To set this team right

Are they targeting some superior gloves?
Or baserunners with blazing speed?
Not even the other GM’s know what Theo needs
Trade Matt Garza, dump Soriano
Why won’t he show his hand?
Well I guess his approach we just won’t understand…

Believe in Theo! Put our trust into Theo
‘Til the Cubs are alright
He’s gonna be smart
And he’s gotta be shrewd
And he’s gotta make our future bright

Believe in Theo! Put our trust into Theo
To have a grand plan
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be sweet
And we will win in two-oh-one-five
(Please, in my life…)

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