The news just came in that poor Matt Garza got his American League Championship ring stolen from his home in Fresno, California. That really sucks, because he was the ALCS MVP and that ring probably meant a lot to him, more so than whatever it might have cost. Here’s hoping he gets it back. In the meantime, we need to figure out the burglars’ motives here…
10. They were curious as to how it felt to be #2.
9. The ring didn’t smell as badly as the lucky jockstrap Garza wore in the AL pennant clincher.
8. It was really really shiny. Shiny things rock.
7. This is part of a reality show based upon “Ace Venture: Pet Detective”…Garza plays real Ray Finkle.
6. It was an unsuccessful ploy by the Boston Red Sox to lure Garza into their lair so they could capture him as compensation for Theo Epstein.
5. Or else it was a really lusty female Cubs fan who wanted to lure Garza into their lair so they could use him as a sex slave.
4. Money, although I doubt there are many authentic American League Championship rings with Garza’s name on it so I have no idea who these dumbasses plan to sell it to.
3. Jim Hendry thought it was a donut.
2. ?? Profit!
1. This is actually a cleverly masterminded Garza plot to convince the arbitration panel that he should get the $12.5MM so he can either get a better security system or get the hell out of Fresno.