Choose Your Own Cubs Adventure

Share

Who remembers the Choose Your Own Adventure books?  I grew up with them and checked out five at a time from the public library every chance I got.  For example, you have this classic right here:

They stopped making the CYOA series in the late 90s but just about every kid who grew up in the 80s or 90s will remember them fondly.  So I figured, since this is supposedly a Cubs blog and we’re in a rebuild that not everyone is happy with…why not try our hand at a Cubs-themed CYOA?

As with all CYOA, you cannot read the story from start to finish as it jumps around depending on the choices YOU make.  If you choose wisely, the Cubs will blossom into a perennial contender and World Series champion.  If you choose poorly, Koyie Hill will become your ace pitcher with his signature cutter and split-finger.  Naturally this will have a bit of a WSD bias and spin to it, but you’ll just have to deal with it. Enjoy!


World Series Dreaming Publishing

Presents

You Own the Cubs

You are the owner of the Cubs, Tom Ricketts. You and your siblings run the show on the North Side of Chicago with pocketfuls of money and an undying love for all things Cubbie. Your task is to give Theo Epstein and friends the support and resources they need to turn the Cubs into a contender again.

There is less than a month until the non-waiver trade deadline. You sit in your executive chair in your cramped office in Wrigley Field, reflecting the sunlight off your brother Pete’s bald head with your mirror onto the wall and chuckle while your other brother Todd claws at the wall trying to capture the beam of light. Laura, your sister, sighs at Todd’s silliness as the four of you (well, three, since you’re messing with Todd’s mind and Todd is Todd) are looking over the books. Actually, since nobody knows what Pete does, it’s just Laura going over everything. You decide to stop playing with Todd and help Laura after convincing Todd that the sunbeam went off to the Dominican Republic in search of the next Starlin Castro.

Laura tells you that the Cubs are profitable but you need to find more revenue streams. After a few minutes of mulling things over, you have come up with several plans…

 

What will you do?

If you choose to raise ticket prices, click here.

If you choose to build a Jumbotron over the next road trip to surprise the fans when the Cubs return home, click here.

If you choose to charge a small convenience fee to patrons to keep Ronnie Woo-Woo away from them, click here.

Thanks to Aisley for the pic-link.

After sorting through the funding, your pretty-boy President of Baseball Operations, Theo Epstein, strolls in with a plan of action to get this awful team back on track.  Theo is a pretty bright guy, having orchestrated two World Series champions in Boston (one of them all by himself, even!) and drafting some perennial All-Stars.  Today, Theo is asking for you to eat some salary so he can facilitate trades to get better prospects back, but the Cubs aren’t in last place anymore.  What to do?

 

 

What will you tell Theo to do, even though you told him he had full autonomy in baseball operations?

If you tell him to trade anything that is healthy, click here.

If you tell him that the Cubs are likely to go on a 60-game winning streak at any moment and hold off, click here.

Whatcha want, boss?

.

The Cubs missed the playoffs, but you saved lots of money now that you no longer have to pay a few heavy contracts.  You want to make a splash, but the market is pretty slim as many teams have decided to retain their young stars and impending free agents due to overreaction to the collective bargaining agreement.  Theo is still doing his thing, but you know that the Cubs fans will be getting antsy after a season where you fell just short.

What do you do?

If you give Theo a blank check (which you did anyway) and tell him to go to town on free agents, click here.

If you just let Theo do his thing and go back to teasing Todd with the sunbeam, click here.

.

Things can only look up from here.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ticket prices go up!

.

.

While fans are not initially receptive of the increase in prices, they continue to pony over the dough and you actually see a small increase in profit, despite attendance dipping marginally. You surmise it’s because Anthony Rizzo is magic. Click here to continue.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Toyota sign becomes a Jumbotron!

.

.

.

.

You talk to Toyota and tear down the godawful Toyota sign that was sitting over left field and erect a large video board sponsored jointly by Toyota and a rotating slew of other corporations. You do have to hire a squad of commandos to keep die-hard Wrigley traditionalists from firebombing the video board at first. Ultimately, since most of them are old, they die from the exertion and you give the commandos jobs as beer vendors instead. The advertising revenue allows you to consider signing Cole Hamels or Zack Greinke this offseason. Click here to continue.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
Ronnie Woo-Woo Protection Service is a go!

.

.

.

 

While initially successful, the revenue streams stop flowing when one particularly troubled patron punches Woo-Woo so hard in the face that he chokes on his wooden teeth. You end up only making $3500 in the week between the start of the venture and Woo-Woo’s unfortunately demise. Click here to continue.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

.

.
Theo makes a deal!

.

.

You defer to Theo and his magic. Theo fleeces the Dodgers by sending them Ryan Dempster and somehow finagling three elite prospects and Vin Scully. Theo then plunders Detroit by sending them Matt Garza and grabbing four elite prospects, three Little Caesar franchises and Eminem in return. The Cubs farm system rapidly rockets from bottom third to top five in all of MLB in the span of two days. Click here to continue.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

No trades for you!

 

.

.

.

 

 

 

You ask Theo to retain Ryan Dempster and Matt Garza, and Theo begrudgingly agrees. The Cubs go on an incredible winning streak, but it’s only a 55-game winning streak and not the 60-game streak that you had hoped. The Cubs miss the second National League wild-card by half a game, and now have the sixteenth pick in the 2013 MLB draft instead of a top-ten protected pick. While Zack Greinke and Cole Hamels are available, you stand to lose the first-round pick now and make Theo’s job a lot tougher if you decide to sign one of them. Crap. Click here to continue.

 

.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.

Spending spree!
.

.

.
Theo tries to splurge, but Zack Greinke and Cole Hamels signed elsewhere since the core of the 2012 Cubs was not going to be ready for contention in 2013 and most other would-be free agents were retained by their parent clubs. Theo is forced to lure Henry Blanco out of retirement, sign the decomposing body of Lance Berkman, and rely on B-list retreads like Edwin Jackson, Joe Blanton, and Zach Duke. The Cubs now have a $160 million payroll and still miss the playoffs by 20 games because they still suck. Worse yet, you’ve set back the rebuilding process another five years with all these terrible albatross contracts and nearly bankrupt the Cubs. Way to go, Tom. Click here to continue.
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Theo does things the Cubs Way!

.
Theo decides not to waste your resources and builds the team from within. By 2014, the farm system is restocked, the kids are ready to be funneled into Chicago, some of them are traded away for proven elite starters and power hitters, and the Cubs are poised to win in 2015 as foretold in Back to the Future, Part II. Life is good. Click here to continue.
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

Eventually the Cubs do win the World Series…but forget about 2012.

The End – Click to start over!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*


*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>