As in our previous Choose Your Own Adventure styled story, you get to decide your path towards glory or certain doom.  Or, in this story, whether you want an Old Style or a souvenir soda, since you will be playing the part of that which you know most: being a Cubs fan at Wrigley Field.  Do you have the guts to brave the crowds in Wrigleyville and risk sitting under potentially crumbling concrete?  If so, read on!  As usual, with all CYOA books (and blogs) you can’t read straight through, so click the links to jump all around the story.  Away we go…

World Series Dreaming Publishing

Presents

You Are a Cubs Fan

 

You are a typical Cubs fan, full of hope and dreams that are crushed every September or October when you realize that your favorite team just isn’t very good at baseball.  Your halls are adorned with framed autographed jerseys from the likes of Ron Santo, Ernie Banks and former Cubs legends Sean Marshall and Tony Campana.  You’ve taken out five mortgages on your house to pay for your bleachers season tickets, and unfortunately can’t afford the ticket package anymore.

With the recent call-ups of top prospects Anthony Rizzo, Brett Jackson and Josh Vitters, you decide that now would be a good time to venture to Wrigley Field again to see the kids play.  First you have to decide whether you prefer a day game or a night game.

 

What’s your pleasure?

If you feel like playing hooky and skipping work to check out a day game, click here.

If you elect to watch baseball under the lights, click here.

Alright, you have chosen wisely, because baseball is truly better during the day. You do wonder how it is that so many people can take the day off along with you though. You have your trusty smartphone and some time so you figure you will just go to the neighborhood first and then figure out how to get your tickets later. The car is back from the shop after your last drunken joyride after another heartbreaking Cubs loss that you watched at the sports bar (how you avoided a DUI is likely the will of the gods) and the Chicago transit system isn’t too shabby either.

 

How to get to Wrigley Field?

If you elect to take the Red Line, click here.

If you decide to take one of the many buses, click here.

If you drive (without imbibing too many pre-game Old Styles), click here.

 

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Success! You have made it to the Wrigleyville neighborhood in one piece with your money and accessories intact. You have about an hour to kill before the gates open before first pitch. After perusing the various local establishments and taking the obligatory pictures of all the random statues around the park, you realize that you still have yet to purchase a game ticket. It’s time to do some comparison shopping.

 

Who’s going to get your money?

If you hit up one of the local scalpers, click here.

If you decide to check StubHub or some other online ticket site, click here.

If you just buy from the Cubs box office since you’re there anyway, click here.

 

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Awesome, you got your tickets!  You head into the bleachers entrance with the intent of catching a few batting practice home runs.  You keep one for yourself and give a couple to a kid.  You then use your bowl seating ticket to head into the main section and strike up a conversation with the bullpen catcher.  The starting lineups are announced after the national anthem and you head to one of your seats.

The Cubs are quickly behind as the starting pitcher (some kid from Iowa nobody’s heard of) has a bad first inning.  You decide now is a good time to get some refreshments.

 

What will you have?

If you want to try one of those fancy bison dogs, click here.

If you prefer the tried-and-true hot dog, click here.

If you dare to tackle the nacho helmet, click here.

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A satisfying ballpark meal and several beers later, it is the seventh inning stretch and the Cubs are still behind by a bunch.  You are rapidly losing hope that the Cubs will come back to win the game.  You look at your watch and realize that you still have a chance to beat the rush hour traffic and the crowd that would inevitably head for the exits.  This is an important decision to make.

 

Are you going to tough it out?

If you decide to leave now, click here.

If you elect to stay until the very last out, click here.

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You get on the train at the 95th station and have to endure multiple glares of disdain until you cross Chinatown and ease away from White Sox territory. Around the Harrison station, about 20000 Cubs fans swarm onto the train and you are smashed between an overwhelmed mother with six kids on each leg and a douchebag hipster wearing way too much cologne. At least some reasonably attractive female Cubs fans wearing surprisingly little are also around, and you find it extremely difficult to contain your excitement when a couple of them fall into your lap, giggling while they exchange contact information with you. Too bad those numbers were fake. Bitches. Click here to continue.
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You get a couple hot dogs to chow down on. And a souvenir soda to wash it down. It’s not much, but hey, what did you expect at Wrigley Field? Thirty minutes later you are hungry again, but you decide to just fill your stomach with shitty beer instead. Click here to continue.
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You walk up to the window and as luck would have it, when the team sucks this bad, there are plenty of seats. Buying directly from the Cubs does mean that you have to pay full price, but at least you’re guaranteed a seat and you don’t have to negotiate with scalpers or deal with random StubHub convenience fees. However, given all the seats the ticket agent allowed you to choose from, you can’t help but wonder how much beer money you could have saved if you had hit up a scalper. Click here to continue.
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Every scalper you come across has a huge stack of tickets and appears to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. You approach one particularly troubled individual and after ten minutes of intense negotiations, he just hands you a $50 bill and his stack of tickets, sheds a single tear, then walks into an alley while digging into his pants pocket for something and muttering to himself. As you marvel at the extra beer you can enjoy inside Wrigley Field, you hear a muffled *CRACK* from the alley, but you figure that the scalper was just setting off fireworks to celebrate his anti-sale. Click here to continue.
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You get up to leave, but it seems two-thirds of the crowd had the same idea. You spend the next several minutes trying to maneuver out of your seat because there’s a backlog of fans in your way, not to mention the 90-year-old seat Nazis having to placate an irate fan who wanted their money back because the team sucks so bad (good luck with that buddy). You finally make it into the concourse and have to wade through another mass of humanity to get to the restroom so you can empty your bowels some more because of your in-game meal. Pat and Keith are doing play-by-play and commentary while you play “Take Me Out To the Ball Game” in farts. You finally make it out of the stadium, but then you see that Alfonso Soriano is up to bat and the bases are loaded. You figure, “What the hell” and head over to Waveland to stand with some ball hawks. Suddenly you hear a loud *CRACK* and the crowd starts screaming in joy. You look up and see a baseball headed right for you. You reach up and make a spectacular one-handed grab and almost breaks every bone in your palm, but it was worth it. Next time, you decide, you will stay until the very last out. Click here to continue.
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You dial up StubHub on your smartphone’s browser, and are able to locate tickets behind the home dugout for $1. People are literally just giving these away! You got a whole row of those tickets so you can lounge and snag foul balls easier, and just for kicks you get a few bleachers tickets too for 25 cents apiece. Awesome. Click here to continue.
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You do have to transfer on a few buses before you are able to get to the #22 to go up Clark towards Wrigley. Along the way you have to Kung Fu some young hooligan who tried to pick your pocket and have to chase another guy down because he jacked your smartphone and you need that to purchase your tickets later on. Luckily you didn’t get any of his blood on your vintage Ron Santo jersey when you curbstomped him for almost ruining your day. Click here to continue.
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Dude, didn’t you listen to Theo’s speech when he was first hired? Baseball is better during the day. Besides, even though the years of season ticket payments have left you broke, you hate your job and spend every day wishing it were legal to put your fist through your boss’ face. Trust in your gut, and check out a day game. Click here to continue.
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Good lord, what were you thinking? That was a 20000 calorie nuclear bomb to your coronary arteries. And a depth charge to your digestive system. Not to mention it just ate up two Old Styles’ worth of money. You spend the next several innings in the bathroom crapping your guts out. Click here to continue.
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You try to be a hippie and get a couple of bison dogs. They’re actually very good but you can’t tell the difference between those and a generic hot dog. Oh well, they hit the spot. Click here to continue.
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You wake up a bit late and hop on the Dan Ryan towards the North Side. Unfortunately several shootouts as you cross the Demilitarized Zone, a couple 10-car pile-ups (because Chicago drivers don’t know how to properly operate their motor vehicles) and avoiding pedestrians in an impromptu game of real-life Frogger delay your arrival into Wrigleyville and you’ve already missed half the game. There are no parking spots on the streets due to the permit restrictions although most people don’t follow those rules anyway, and it seems those that don’t care about the rules have taken up all the available spots. All the parking lots around the ballpark are also full, and it wasn’t like you were going to spend that much anyway because that would eat into your beer budget inside Wrigley Field. You drive home and decide to take the train next time. Click here to continue.
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You watch as most of the crowd heads for the exits. But still you hope on, that maybe you can be there to sing “Go Cubs Go” and watch the win flag raised. The Cubs get a couple runs in the eighth and are just two runs down in the ninth. Joe Mather, who for some reason is still a Cub, manages to reach on an error to load the bases with two out. Alfonso Soriano is up. He swings and misses at the first two pitches, then fouls off about six or seven more. The count is worked full. Finally, the gassed reliever uncorks his best fastball, but it catches way too much of the plate and you see Soriano’s bat smack the ball head on and watch the poor baseball race into orbit, way way out of the park. You and the other 200 fans still left in the park cheer as the Cubs celebrate at home plate to seal an improbable victory. You decide that it might be worth taking out another mortgage and maybe prostituting your wife to get those season tickets for next year. Click here to continue.
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Another successful outing at Wrigley Field, especially since you survived. Let’s do it again sometime!

The End – Click to start over!