The Relief of the Campana Trade

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I am a reasonable man that believes in what is observable. I don’t believe in Leprechauns, unicorns, or vampires. I believe that there is life outside of the solar system, but the odds of that life being intelligent and reaching this planet is infinitesimally small. I don’t believe in Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster, but I will tell that I believe with absolute certainty in the existence of magic pixie dust that is tied to wearing a uniform with birds on a bat. That is why today was a joyful day to find out that Tony Campana had being traded.

Not that I thought Tony Campana was the worst player ever in a Cubs uniform, sorry Neifi Perez. Or that Tony Campana brought in two lottery tickets of prospects, though I am happy about that as well. I am joyful that I found that Tony Campana had been traded to any team besides the St. Louis Cardinals.

Perhaps you think it odd for a grown man to have such a conviction, but let me present you the case of Tony Womack. The St. Louis Cardinals traded for Tony Womack at the end of spring training in 2004. Womack would go on to hit .305/.349/.385 with a 91 OPS+. All of those marks represent a career high for Womack at age 34 in a season when the team was relying on Bo Hart as a major leaguer. Womack of course finished the last season with the Cubs where he hit .235/.250/.324 and after the magic pixie dust wore off with the Yankees the next season posted a .249/.276/.280 line.

That is why it was a huge relief when Campana safely was sent to the NL West. Campana I am sure will have a long career as a pinch runner, but I don’t have to fear Campana on pixie dust. I say with complete sincerity that Campana would have become the most feared leadoff hitter in the game if he had been sent to St. Louis. He would have become faster than Reds uber prospect Billy Hamilton. He would have learned to bunt and walk like Brett Butler. He would have been able to hit a couple of homeruns, there is a limit to magic pixie dust. The players the Cubs got back in the trade would have become instantly hurt and the comparisons to Brock-Broglio would turn out to be true. Thankfully I can sleep well tonight knowing that will not happen. Oh Matt Garza might start the season on the DL. I guess some things don’t change.

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