I want to direct your attention to an interview between the MLB Network guys and “Hawk” Harrelson, the announcer for the Chicago White Sox. First off, I realize that Hawk is an acquired taste and I want to apologize to my White Sox fan friends for saying this, but Hawk makes me want to break things and hurt small furry creatures. Anyway, the interview…
The KEY point here that was being made fun of on the Twitters and the interwebs was the #TWTW, or “The Will to Win.” I guess there’s a rationale for #TWTW and other intangibles. But can you really use it to describe players? I mean, does Ted Williams have less #TWTW because he lost in his only World Series appearance to Stan Musial? I don’t really know the answer to that. I think they were both spectacular baseball players and wonderful human beings from everything I’ve read and seen of them. Can you then say that David Eckstein has more #TWTW than Ted Williams because he was scrappy for the Angels in 2002 and was World Series MVP in 2006? I don’t know the answer to that either. Maybe Hawk is smarter than I am. Or maybe, because Ted Williams was only responsible for his own at-bats and production on the field, Teddy had #TWTW and the rest of his team just crapped out. But that 1946 World Series batting line sure looks crummy compared to the rest of his career. Judging a guy by some phony #TWTW stat on a seven-game stretch seems inappropriate though when you look at the backdrop of such a great career.
I’ll let The Cub Reporter sum this up in a tweet:
Give Hawk this much: you could look for a long time and not find a more spirited defense of ignorance.m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=hXYv…
— thecubreporter (@thecubreporter) April 26, 2013
I have to admit that I kind of stopped watching after about three minutes because I was starting to form rage fist and feared for the safety of my monitor and drywall, but #TWTW did get me to thinking about other things…
The Will To Spin (#TWTSp)
The Earth has the proper distance and spin to allow for night and day to happen in a manner that we are used to, and to thermoregulate the planet. Venus, on the other hand, is closer to the sun and doesn’t spin quite as much. The Earth has much better #TWTSp than Venus. Venus is terrible.
The Will To Chin (#TWTC)
To win a prize for best gym student, Little Timmy has to do more chin-ups than his opponent in the finals, Fat Albert. Fat Albert is actually much stronger and fit than Timmy, but because Timmy is so light, Timmy is able to best Albert’s chin-up total by two. Therefore, Little Timmy has better #TWTC than Fat Albert. Or something like that.
The Will To Pin (#TWTP)
I do not have a Pinterest, but lots of people do, including Sammy Sosa. Sammy has an awesome Pinterest page. Therefore, in addition to hitting 609 more homers than I did, Sammy Sosa has a better #TWTP.
The Will To Sin (#TWTSi)
Sister Mary Stigmata is a nun who oversees young orphans and makes sure that they are obedient and chaste, whereas Connie Lingus is an adept porn star/gambler in Las Vegas who is also addicted to coke and meth. Connie Lingus has a better #TWTSi than the nun does.
The Will To Skin (#TWTSk)
Hannibal Lecter and that dude who wants you to rub the lotion on the skin have very high #TWTSk.
The Will To Win (#TWTW)
To honor the great Hawk Harrelson, we present this one to Frank Chance, who as one of the only Cubs players and managers to get to and win the World Series, has far greater #TWTW than about 99.9% of the men who have ever played in MLB.
That was fun. Hawk is still an idiot.