Rice Cube’s Five Stages of Grief Because All Our Shit Keeps Breaking

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Let’s get it out of the way.  Kyuji Fujikawa is broken and needs to be fixed:




We’ll build him bigger, better, stronger…maybe?  The point is that Fuji is out for the year and hopefully with this timetable he can be back to finish out his contract sometime in 2014 assuming all goes well.  Because Tommy John Surgery generally has a good recovery rate these days and so we shouldn’t be too worried.

This leads us to the Kubler-Ross model of the stages of grief.  Because if there’s one thing we as Cubs fans do well, it’s feel sorry for ourselves.  Shall we begin?


What the hell?  First he was feeling all crappy after the spring with a forearm strain, and now this?  Are you for serious about this?  Are you sure he didn’t just hit his funny bone on something?  Did you use that MRI right?


Everything in this organization is broken!  The ballpark is falling apart, the bullpen is falling apart, and now the actual players are falling apart!  Why can’t you people do things right?!  RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE


If only they had rested Fuji more…if only they had been more careful after the initial DL stint.  If only Wrigley Field had actual major league quality treatment and medical facilities.  If only our medical staff weren’t completely inept.  If only…


OH GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD everything the Cubs will ever get from now on will break too.  What’s the point?!  What a waste of money.  Scott Baker is broken.  Arodys Vizcaino is staying broken.  Now Fuji is broken.  Shawn Camp is broken but who cares about him.  I just want my team to be healthy and to perform, is that too much to ask?  *uncontrollable sobbing*


*Collects self*

You know…everybody gets injured sometimes.  You never know when you’ll sneeze wrong or get injured washing a truck or if your wife will drop a suitcase on your hand.  And this is just the 8th inning guy, and a bit of a gamble at that.  The contract isn’t that expensive all told, and everything is manageable.  He’ll come back.  The Cubs are steadily improving, but Fujikawa was maybe the difference between the Cubs winning 77 games vs. 75 on a really good string of luck (just pulling those numbers out of my ass).  In the grand scheme of things…it could be worse.

…and…exhale… /ZEN

About Rice Cube

Rice Cube is the executive vice president of snark at World Series Dreaming. He loves all things Cubs, with notable exceptions (specifically, the part of Cubs fandom that pisses him off). Follow on Twitter at cubicsnarkonia

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