Cubs recaps: The battle for a useless trophy

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Foreward: I hate Cubs v. White Sox. I grew up on the southwest side of the city as a White Sox fan before converting after a baseball hiatus in 1998. Since interleague play began this series has been a lightning rod for stupid. Nothing brings out the absolute worst in Chicago fans quite like Cubs v. White Sox, and that stupidity was on full display this year. 

The Cubs came limping into the Crosstown Series sportin a 1-6 record over their last 7 and falling dangerously close to “shit awful” territory. The road trip was a rough one as the Pirates and Reds each took their turn demanding the Chon Chon from the Cubs.

So it was only natural to assume that the white hot Chicago White Sox would stick it to the Cubs some more. Chris Sale and Jake Peavy were pitching in the series and well, losing 3/4 was perhaps expected.

Well, baseball is a funky mistress sometimes…

CHICAGOMAGEDDON GAME 1

STORY OF THE GAME

Jeff Samardzija shoved it.

Seriously he shooooooooved it. Samardzija threw the first Cubs CGSO against an AL opponent since Claude Passeau did it in 1945. You know how long ago thau was? This was the top song in 1945. That just sounds old.

Sammy was also flirting with a no-hitter for a bit but that ended on a solid Conor Gillaspie single in the third.

STARLIN CASTRO MOVE TO THIRD WATCH

No errors but this one time he looked like he wasn’t paying attention so I ding him for that.

IS ANTHONY RIZZO ADAM DUNN WATCH?

2/5 with only 1 K, so…not yet.

TIEM TO TRADEZ SORI?

3/4, YAS! TRADE NAO!

CHICAGOMAGEDDON GAME 2

STORY OF THE GAME

STARLIN CASTRO MOVE TO THIRD WATCH

IS ANTHONY RIZZO ADAM DUNN WATCH?

TIEM TO TRADEZ SORI?

CHICAGOMAGEDDON GAME 3

STORY OF THE GAME

Dioner Navarro hit 3 HR’s in the game and drove in 6 guys. Yeah. That guy. Navarro joined Aramis Ramirez, Alfonso Soriano, Moises Alou, Sammy Sosa, and Brant Brown in the pantheon of Cubs legends who also hit 3 HR’s.

Wait Brant Brown did it too? Actually that makes perfect sense.

Also, this may likely be the tipping point in John Danks‘ career. Danks had shoulder issues which are notoriously difficult to come back from. It’s entirely possible that the future career of Danks is markedly different than what he seemed to be on the path to before the injury.

STARLIN CASTRO MOVE TO THIRD WATCH

No Errors but one time he looked like he wanted to eat some grass and that can’t be a good thing.

IS ANTHONY RIZZO ADAM DUNN WATCH?

1/4! But no K’s. So…kind of.

TIEM TO TRADEZ SORI?

0/3 NOOOOOOOOO HIS VALUE IS IN THE SHITTER NOW WE CAN’T TRADEZ HIM!

CHICAGOMAGEDDON GAME 4; DIS TIME IT’S FOR ALL THE MARBLES (or the BP Cup. Whateves)

STORY OF THE GAME

TROLLvis Wood.

Travis Wood thinks your arguments for the DH are invalid. And they are. If you like/want the DH you must hate America. Seriously who wants to see some fat guy who doesn’t even have a glove “play” for like 10 minutes of the entire game? That’s like having a designated 3 point shooter who is allowed to come in only when the offense has the ball. It’s dumb and un-American. #Murrica.

Also Kevin Gregg gave us a taste of what Kevin Gregg is all about and man that will not be a pretty pill to swallow eventually.

STARLIN CASTRO MOVE TO THIRD WATCH

ERROR ERROR ERROR! Oh wait that was on Castillo. Uhh, well no errors but one time he went this way when he shoulda went that way and look man. I just need my opinion validated ok? I’ve been screaming about moving Castro to third for a long time now and his gradual improvements are making me look bad. I just want to be right. Let me be right.

IS ANTHONY RIZZO ADAM DUNN WATCH?

1/4 with a K! YES, HE IS DUNN!

TIEM TO TRADEZ SORI?

0/3 but he walked once…so maybe the Cubs can get a broken pitcher for him?

SERIES IN 140 CHARACTERS:

Cubs RS: 24 – WSox RS: 6

Expanded thoughts

Look, I’m not gonna go crazy and say this means the Cubs will make the playoffs. It doesn’t. A 3 game sweep of a team that isn’t in your division means exactly what it means on the surface. There’s no deeper meaning.

What I will say is that there’s a big W-L correction coming for the Cubs IMO.

This is what BBref says about their Run Differential:

Scored 214 runs, Allowed 208 runs. Pythagorean W-L: 27-25

And yanno, I think the Cubs are going to be around .500 this year. Their offense is rebounding from that awful RISP start and the ‘pen looks just bad instead of shitty. So, progress!

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