Brett Jackson Is Missing!

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First, the news to set up:

 

Tommy Birch is pretty much the Iowa Cubs’ beat reporter and he’s on his game, so if Brett Jackson is missing as reported, then we take it at his word.  That said, it could be just a matter of Jackson being demoted to Tennessee, or having some extra work done in Arizona before returning to Des Moines, but either way, it’s kind of wacky how the Cubs’ former top prospect is in cognito and nobody seems to know where he went.  My speculation is that he went to California or Arizona to rehab before he heads off to his next destination, whether it’s to the Smokies or back to Iowa, or even a trade.  I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

BJaxMissingWSDAll that said, with all the other Cubs blogs and beat reporters snarking on this story, I thought I’d put my own twist on it with a simple Photoshop of one of my son’s favorite books.  I can’t parody the whole book, but the relevant part is here…

Days went by and there was no sign of Brett Jackson.  The beat reporters missed Brett Jackson!

 

“Maybe we should try to find him,” they said.  Some of them went to the Cubs.

 

I-Cubs manager Marty Pevey was assigned to the case.  He listened to their story.  He scratched his chin.

“Hmmm,” he said.  “Hmmm.  I think Brett Jackson is missing.”

Manager Pevey would not be much help.

 

Other reporters went to Brett Jackson’s locker.  The locker was bare, and no clues were left there.

 

Maybe something TERRIBLE had happened to Brett Jackson!

 

“Maybe he was gobbled up by a Sharknado!” said one of the reporters…but that didn’t seem likely.

 

“Maybe Brett Jackson was traded for international slot money!” said another kid.  But that didn’t seem likely either.

 

“I know!” exclaimed one know-it-all.  “Maybe Brett Jackson’s been converted into a pitcher to take advantage of his high strikeout rate!”  But that was the least likely of all.

 

So where is Brett Jackson now?  I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

 

Update: Carrie Muskat has some news…

 

Well I guess we’ll see ya soon, Brett!

About Rice Cube

Rice Cube is the executive vice president of snark at World Series Dreaming. He loves all things Cubs, with notable exceptions (specifically, the part of Cubs fandom that pisses him off). Follow on Twitter at cubicsnarkonia

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