All I Want For Christmas Is News

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As we wait for Christmas to arrive, and in between following philosophical ponderings of Dr. Seuss stories, while also thinking about how the Cubs could exploit the system before the CBA expires in December of 2016 (we’ll explore that later), baseball is slowing down with its transactions before Midnight Mass.  We did finally see a 40-man roster reshuffle to accommodate new signee David Ross, but that’s about it.  Since there are only so many board/video games to play and so many Christmas movies we can watch, those of us who are hardcore fans are in serious need of more news.  Something.  Anything.

Which brings us to Mariah Carey and this year’s Christmas blog, in the tradition of our previous Christmas blogs.

As an aside…have you ever noticed that in her videos, Mariah favors one side?  You see the right side of her face most of the time, but it’s not like she has a scar or some weird face tattoo on the left side, so I’m wondering if it has to do with the blocking for the video or if it’s just a preference on her part.  Anyway.

Enjoy this year’s entry, and enjoy your family and friends during this holiday season!

All I Want For Christmas Is News

To the tune of “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey

Baseball’s shutting down for Christmas
There’s nothing in my news feed
Will they post a new Korean?
Who’ll get traded to SD?

Cubs already hired Joe Maddon
Also fired what’s-his-face
Waiver claims won’t make me happy
Need some news on Christmas Day

Get Scott Boras on the phone
Make an offer t’Jonny Gomes
Make a trade or two
All I want for Christmas is news
Neeeeeews, baby!

Oh, how ’bout a rumor for Cole Hamels
Will the Mets trade for Tulo?
I don’t like to keep on waiting
What else does Jon Heyman know?

I need Rosenthal t’confirm it
Claimed a guy but now he’s gone
Billy Beane signed Billy Butler
Does he know what’s going on?

Man I just want some news tonight
More than O’s signing Wesley Wright
Tamp’ring charges too!
Baby, all I want for Christmas is news
Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeews, baby!

Oh, mid-tier pitchers signing
Pillow deals everywhere
There’s moves with the Marlins
But who’d want t’play there?

Cueto, Reds negotiating
Hall of Fame vote hand-wringing
Theo, won’t you find a few trade partners for Beef?
Or will you bring a surprise to me?

Oh, I just want some news for Christmas
Need to supplement our core
Need a new outfielder, maybe
Buy out a rooftop or four!

Get some agents on the phone
Move the Rays to Montreal
Don’t care what they do
Baby, all I want for Christmas is news
Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeews, baby!

All I want for Christmas is news…baby… (fade)

About Rice Cube

Rice Cube is the executive vice president of snark at World Series Dreaming. He loves all things Cubs, with notable exceptions (specifically, the part of Cubs fandom that pisses him off). Follow on Twitter at cubicsnarkonia

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