Scott Boras spins the narrative

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Once upon a time there was a player agent, and his name was Scott Boras.  His legend swept through the land as he continued getting aging superstars massively overpaid and represented young up-and-comers to lucrative arbitration deals.  His legend persists today as he continues to dominate the market despite long odds and waiting for #MysteryTeam to drop in and launch armored trucks via trebuchet all over the North American continent.

From the Scriptures of Rosenthal come the latest tales of Boras, who represents the baseball demigod, Kris Bryant:

Agent Scott Boras will not blame baseball’s collective-bargaining agreement if the Chicago Cubs decline to include third baseman Kris Bryant on their Opening Day roster.

Boras, who represents Bryant, will blame Cubs owner Tom Ricketts.

“Cubs ownership has a choice,” Boras told FOX Sports on Tuesday. “Are they going to present to their market that they are trying to win? Tom Ricketts said they were all about winning.

“When someone says it’s the system, no, it’s a choice — the choice of winning.”

Boras’ siren song of “winning” is designed to put pressure upon the ursine denizens of Wrigley Field via the fan base and media to allow Bryant to unleash his awesome powers upon unfortunate baseballs.  Yet, as we have documented before, the words of Boras often fall upon deaf ears in the fortress of baseballitude at 1060 West Addison:

Cubs president Theo Epstein countered, “Kris Bryant’s development path has absolutely nothing to do with ownership, period. As with all our baseball decisions, I will determine where Kris begins the 2015 season after consulting with members of our baseball operations staff. Comments from agents, media members and anybody outside our organization will be ignored.”

The prophecy known as “The Cubs Way” dictates that the arrival of Bryant to the Field Between the Foul Lines will occur no earlier than 12 days after the Day of Opening against the Cardinals of Barad-Dur…err, I mean, St. Louis.  Most likely, the powers of Bryant shall be unleashed first upon the Pirates of Pittsburgh or the Reds of Cincinnati before he is celebrated in a homecoming afterwards.

The dozen or so games that the Chicago Cubs must battle in prior to the Day of Bryant will be a great test of the baseball acumen of Theo the Wise, who is taking advantage of the bylaws laid down in the Chronicles of CBA, while also allowing Bryant to hone his divine baseball skills in the mystical land of Iowa.  Will the Cubs triumph in those 12 games, rendering this point moot?  Or will they open with a 12-game losing streak, thus triggering an increase in tar and feather sales at Home Depot and Bed, Bath & Beyond (they sell pillows, which I think still have feathers)?  Of course, if the mortals believe that established Cub warriors such as Rizzo and Castro cannot hold down the fort without Bryant, then maybe it never was meant to be in 2015 anyway.

Cubs faithful, we can wait a couple weeks for the arrival of Bryant.  In the meantime, Theo the Wise will continue to ignore Boras’ seductive song of early free agency.


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About Rice Cube

Rice Cube is the executive vice president of snark at World Series Dreaming. He loves all things Cubs, with notable exceptions (specifically, the part of Cubs fandom that pisses him off). Follow on Twitter at cubicsnarkonia

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