Just in time for the Awards Super Bowl

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It’s almost time for the Oscars, which as most of you know are more white than the foul line chalk on a baseball diamond.  Pitcher John Axford is usually pretty good at picking them, and I don’t think I can argue with his choices:

via ABC (click to embiggen)
via ABC (click to embiggen)

I haven’t actually seen most of these movies, except for Creed, in which I thought Sylvester Stallone did a great job (and the guy who played Apollo’s kid probably deserved a nomination, but maybe he got dinged for that god awful Fantastic Four movie?), and Inside Out, which reminds me of how sad I was about Bing Bong…but enough about spoilers.  The point is that I wouldn’t bet against Axford, especially when the Oscars owe Leonardo DiCaprio something.  (Here are his complete picks in the Players’ Tribune.)

The Razzies were also announced, but to keep this positive, we’ll keep everything in this post “best of” and refrain from the “worst of” even if they deserve it.  Let’s go!

Best Spring Training Entrance

And the award goes to…Dexter Fowler!

I agree with Theo Epstein, this IS some Godfather shit!  And as you do know the Godfather won best picture.

Best Batting Practice Souvenir

Enter Kyle Schwarber, who destroyed a windshield during batting practice last week.  One fix-it and autograph session later, the much-offended windshield is now up for auction.

The souvenir, which was to be put in a protective case, will be auctioned March 25 at a Cubs Wives event.

“It really belongs to the Cubs family,” Gesler said as he watched the team practice. “We’ve been met with such generosity that we thought this was the right thing to do.”

Good job all around by the Cubs and the no-longer-as-inconvenienced Cubs fan.

Best Use of GIF Powers

Following from the Schwarber destructive baseball, a GIF from Randall:

Oh hell, let’s give him two awards:

Randall is a good follow for this and many other reasons and you should avail yourselves of this opportunity.

Best Bryzzo Moment So Far

From Jason Heyward‘s Twitter, but probably vined by either Anthony Rizzo or Kris Bryant‘s phone:

Here’s to many more fun times!

Best Example of Why the Qualifying Offer System is Dumb

As stated by both MLBPA head Tony Clark and Dexter Fowler himself, the qualifying offer system is bad for business:

“We’re veterans,” Fowler said. “And then they’re talking about a draft pick, an [unproven] guy, that you don’t even know what’s going to happen to him. And you’re [suffering] the consequences.”

If a decent center fielder who can get on base and has pop in his bat can’t get a job until almost March, then either there’s something wrong with him, or the system.  I’m gunning for the system.

Best Impression of a Dysfunctional Franchise

The award goes to the Orioles!  Not only are they the weirdest team in baseball, recent actions have gotten the attention of the MLBPA:

Re: the Yovani Gallardo physical exam that lost him some money as the story unfolded via leaks…

Per Clark, “Medical information shouldn’t be public…There’s a reason why individuals’ medical information is protected. The idea that those who shouldn’t have access to it have access to it and feel compelled to offer it is a concern.

Re: Fowler’s free agency saga…

I think it is disappointing that we live in a world where it is more important to be first than it is to be right, and it’s a very dangerous place to exist when information makes its way out that may not be 100 percent accurate.” Clark’s specific concern is that wrongly reported information could negatively affect a player’s bargaining power.

I think it makes sense for the MLBPA to side with the agent because agents can get their constituents more money, but given the way the story unfolded, I guess you can’t blame Tony Clark here.  As of this moment, the O’s are still doing some PR damage control.

Best Laugh in the Face of Foreseeable Mediocrity

That would be Milwaukee Brewers prospect Brett Phillips, who is part hyena and part banshee.  You’ll just have to click and see.


Enjoy the Oscars, folks, and let’s see how good John Axford really is.  Off the field, anyway, he’s been kinda meh as a pitcher for a while.


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About Rice Cube

Rice Cube is the executive vice president of snark at World Series Dreaming. He loves all things Cubs, with notable exceptions (specifically, the part of Cubs fandom that pisses him off). Follow on Twitter at cubicsnarkonia

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